It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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