i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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