Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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