I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
