Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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