i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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