its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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