i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
