look no pants
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
