just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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