I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
