those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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