It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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