Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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