I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
