thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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