I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
