Pappa wants mamma naked
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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