dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
