you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
