we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
