nut hugger
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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