We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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