I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
