I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
