i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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