When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
