You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
