hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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