dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think my nap took me to another dimension
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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