which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We need to get me chipped asap
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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