So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
