Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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