I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
