my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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