You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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