You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
