If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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