Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
