false alarm. still invincible.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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