Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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