Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
