I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
