Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
