I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i think im in europe. pls send help
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
