We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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