Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
