one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
