508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
