I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
