There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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