The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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