The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize