either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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