I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
