That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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