marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"