The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag