Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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