she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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