Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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